Three months, exactly, three months have passed since abbu left us on 22nd September, 2020. 90 days, ahhh, I have spent 90 days without him. This seems unimaginable. The time at the moment is 11:08 AM when I am writing this. Three months ago these were the final moments with him when I witnessed the diminishing glow of his ever-enchanting eyes while sitting beside him. His eyes sparkled for one second and their light was quenched the very next moment.
My heart heavy with heartache and my soul bewildered with uncertainty thought with perplexity what was to come, what was to happen? Was this the day when he departs to meet his Lord? I leaned on the side table to see the date and the day. All my life this was the moment which I always feared. I never wanted this moment to ever arrive. 22nd September flashed on the mobile screen; the day which changed everything. There will always be before and after, with and without from now on…Nothing ever remains the same when a parent is buried.
All his life he prepared me for this moment and always used to say:
كُلُّ نَفْسٍ ذَآئِقَةُ الْمَوْت
“Every soul shall taste death”
Today when he is not around but his words, his experiences, his success stories, his failures, his attempts, his cautions, his carefulness, his modesty and simplicity all are with me. He sits on the passenger seat in the car with me which I drive, he walks with me when I go for a morning stroll. He is there to guide me in my decisions. He resides in my heart when I close my eyes every night to sleep and in my mind when I wake up every morning. He is in the air around me. He has become a dream; a beautiful one.
To my father,
Shaukat Ali Azeem.