To my father….

Three months, exactly, three months have passed since abbu left us on 22nd September, 2020. 90 days, ahhh, I have spent 90 days without him. This seems unimaginable. The time at the moment is 11:08 AM when I am writing this. Three months ago these were the final moments with him when I witnessed the diminishing glow of his ever-enchanting eyes while sitting beside him. His eyes sparkled for one second and their light was quenched the very next moment. 

My heart heavy with heartache and my soul bewildered with uncertainty thought with perplexity what was to come, what was to happen? Was this the day when he departs to meet his Lord? I leaned on the side table to see the date and the day. All my life this was the moment which I always feared. I never wanted this moment to ever arrive. 22nd September flashed on the mobile screen; the day which changed everything. There will always be before and after, with and without from now on…Nothing ever remains the same when a parent is buried. 

All his life he prepared me for this moment and always used to say:

كُلُّ نَفْسٍ ذَآئِقَةُ الْمَوْت 

“Every soul shall taste death”

Today when he is not around but his words, his experiences, his success stories, his failures, his attempts, his cautions, his carefulness, his modesty and simplicity all are with me. He sits on the passenger seat in the car with me which I drive, he walks with me when I go for a morning stroll. He is there to guide me in my decisions. He resides in my heart when I close my eyes every night to sleep and in my mind when I wake up every morning. He is in the air around me. He has become a dream; a beautiful one. 

To my father,

Shaukat Ali Azeem.

la passion!

Art used to be my favourite interest area being in school. At one point I even thought to opt it as my major in college. But then I was told things like Art only look good when others do it; you should go for a concrete subject/ field. As the things we don’t say haunt us, same goes for the passions we nip in the bud. Today I shake hands with my pencil again by removing the dust off the carefully kept sketch book from 90s in a distant corner of the closet. .

During this Corona lock down, I am going to do what I have always wanted to do. I am going to draw, colour and create the canvas of happiness for me. The shared images are the sketching of ‘the moonlight night’ where the moon reflects its light calmly in the water and a lone bird enjoys the scene. Perhaps we need the same calm in our lives today.

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Love in the Times of Corona!

Say it before the walls of memories are cursed

That one apology which is devastatingly due

To the one whom you have hurt to the core

And never wanted to face the guilt in the eye

 

Say it before there is no silver lining

attached to the clouds

For that one intense meet up of the eyes

Which awaits its own arrival

 

Say it before there is all grey and no glory

That one confession you have held onto

To be revealed in the perfect moments of time

 

Say it before the oceans are infected with indifference

That I cannot mask my love for you anymore

 

For me, speaking my emotions is not my weakness

Yes! There is strength in utterance and endurance

 

Say it before water becomes mud

Say it with you grey becomes green

© Sana Shoukat 2020

A fragility of hope in the forecast today!

Image credits: http://www.instagram.com/manzarnama_

Some days we want to be merged in the hues of the sky. And some days we want to stand alone in a crowd full of people. A fragility of hope drizzles from all corners of the sky and pearls of gloom rest on the edges of our eyes. More and more gloom sets in just like more and more clouds fill in. Both the climates walk side by side. One of the sky and other of our heart. A painter’s brush will only paint blues and greys today. Meanings wear the clothes of hollowness today. Flowers do not look colorful today. Raindrops do not make bubbles on the face of the Earth today. And words will not be enough today because there is a fragility of hope in the forecast today.

The fears we do not face become our limits!

I recently read somewhere that “the fears we do not face become our limits.” And these limits at times become blades of reluctance we detest to touch. We often despise the difficult. We want to go for paved roads avoiding jumps and bumps. Why do we forget that difficult can be interesting and worth remembering too? Next time when you fear starting a conversation or taking a difficult hike, do not only look for cherries and berries along the way but cactus and thorns too. We get to learn more from the indifferent experiences than from the cheerful ones.

Embrace the curtain of uncertainty like a velvety melody. The ones who let their feet blistered by the burdens of the journey get to have their toes rest on the oasis of hope and lay their head on the bed of serenity. Their fingers get to run through the grass of happiness and their hands relax on the flowers of contentment. Go beyond the paved roads and dare to love the difficult. Life and living will become interesting!

A Lover of Sights – منظروں کی محبت میں مبتلا

We all have been through such times in our lives where we adore a hobby, a pastime or a thing but never really are able to do it. We adore it only from a distance just like we adore some people but only from a distance. One of such things for me was adoring the habit of the morning walk done by others. I only used to adore it, appreciate it and praise the ones doing it but then I fell in love with it when I started living it.

Bon Voyage

November 19^th, 2019 was the day when I started driving this boat. Just like the novice drivers, I am nervous that would I be able to continue with it or it is just a passion of 2-3 days or weeks…I am still finding it out. Let me take you to a virtual tour of the society I live in. It has many parks. I choose the one nearby my house infect it is just some easy steps away. The time I have chosen is of 6:15 till 6:50 only to leave me with 40 minutes to get ready and leave for work at 7:30. The distance I try covering is of 3 km by taking four rounds of this park.

The Talk of Trees

The boundary from almost all sides of the park is covered with trees. While walking on the edges of the park, I listen to the leaves of the trees talking to each other. When they talk, they pour dew drops on each other in the same manner when we take a friend’s shoulder for solace and it gets soaked with the pearls from our eyes. The sound of the dropping of the dew drops makes me stop and listen with more attention. It tells me that nature is all about belongingness. It is one big circle which welcomes everything and everyone in its shelter.

The Whirl of Birds

In a garden when birds walk, it feels as if their tails are dancing and they have worn a skirt of serenity which moves gracefully with their tiny steps. The green grass is a carpet of smoothness for them. I become a bird too when I am in the mountains. My feet touch the ground but give me a feel that I am walking on air with the clouds making my eyes go wide with amazement.

A Kiss on the Forehead

Nature is my cure from routine. My ears need the songs of birds chirping. My eyes need lavishly green sights. My forehead wants a kiss of the breeze which makes nature reside in me in a tactile form. Such a breeze which does not only kisses your forehead but also puts a soothing hand on it and whispers in your ears that let us align ourselves in one and the same direction.

Jingles of nature mingle in my ears and I hear back the words of a friend who asked me that why good things/ habits do not last long. I hope this one (the habit of morning walk) does!

One of someone’s flowerbeds!

I wrote these words which you just read while sitting on that distant bench. I think next time this chair can be a companion as well.

Let go of your burdens… Let the dead leaves drop.

Saw this abandoned toy at the park; just as people abandon us or we abandon them. This is how we may look; lifeless and out of place for some time.

Deciphering Life….(1)

Deciphering life with words, regrets, love, deceit, prose and poetry. Nature and life are one and the same for me. Like a lover who takes pleasure in writing a love letter to the beloved, I take pleasure in writing a letter to the soul. Nature is my soul.

Like the dewdrops remain with petals, serenity with spring and a silver lining with clouds; nature remains with me as soul with body. While deciphering life, I have tried to blend poetry with nature; the best love letter in the making! These shots have been taken at the place called ‘Panjpeer’ near Kahuta in Rawalpindi district, Pakistan.

Here is a collection of a few favorite pieces of Urdu poetry along with a loose English translation.

رات پھیلی ہے تیرے سرمئی آنچل کی طرح

چاند نکلا ہے تجھے ڈھونڈنے پاگل کی طرح

The night intensifies like your dark apparel

The moon embarks a deep struggle to find you

Poet: Kaleem Usmani

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وہ بے وفا ہے تو کیا مت کہو برا اس کو

کہ جو ہوا سو ہوا خوش رکھے خدا اس کو

نظر نہ آئے تو اس کی تلاش میں رہنا

کہیں ملے تو پلٹ کر نہ دیکھنا اس کو

Do not call him callous even if he is a deserter

May he find happiness beside all deception

Be in his quest if he is out of sight but

Be oblivion if ever an encounter occurs

Poet: Naseer Turabi

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یہ جو ہم ہیں نہ احساس میں جلتے ہوئے لوگ

ہم زمیں زاد نہ ہوتے تو ستارے ہوتے

Drenched in the fiery feelings, we are

like the stars if not human-like

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سفر ختم نہ ہو تو مشکل اور

ختم ہو جائے تو اور مشکل

An expedition coupled with difficulties is terrible

But no expedition is even more terrible

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عمر رائیگاں کردی تب یہ بات مانی ہے

موت اور محبت کی ایک ہی کہانی ہے

Being wasteful with life, consequently, I learn

Love and death are synonymous to each other

Poet: Noshi Gilani

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بھیگے رستے، ہلکی برفباری ، گہری دُھند

آج کا موسم ، دل کے موسم جیسا ہے

Misty means, beguiled snowfall, abyssal haze

The heart is as heavy as the weather today

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P.S: Only those credits have been given which I am sure of. Please give attribution if you know about the poets and the listed couplets. You can also drop in your favorite verses and couplets.

The weight of unsaid words…

Have you ever borne

the wait of unsaid words?

 

Driving on the highway of logic

And walking the road of rationality

 

In a sea of people, we pretended that

each other’s presence didn’t matter

 

Eyes were forced not to meet

Stares controlled and emotions coaled

 

Even the paths knew not to intersect

We lived the lie that things were perfect

 

Once again, sanity won and I

bore the weight of unsaid words

© Sana Shoukat

The fragile trust!

Out of all fragile things

People prefer trust to burst

 

First they make us believe

It’s nowhere near being fragile

 

And then bit by bit

They eat their words alive

 

Making trust an unworthy

game to revive!

© Sana Shoukat 2019

Eyes that mesmerize…

It is the tale of his passionate eyes

Beaming with a gleaming galore

 

When set at the world

Careless to the core

 

When grounded on her

Minor details they adore

 

Intensity piercing the cosmos

Eyes less, burning galaxies more

 

A sinful sunshine shedding over her

frozen lake-like heart to explore  

 

A bad weather signaled by her chary chimes

but some winds are too heavy to ignore

© Sana Shoukat 2019

Fallen leaves

Fallen leaves are piano chords

Stepping on them is a velvety melody

Crisp and cure, a lively metaphor

Such is the dance of the yellow allure

Nature is the necklace all my life I happily wore

Walking once on this subtle floor

will sip your despair by bestowing a whirling lure

A sprinkle of stardust is mandatory

for life’s difficult eras to endure

© Sana Shoukat 2019